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May. 22nd, 2002 11:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janestarzThe first muffling shock slowly is fading away. Pain got through in the end, and anger and petrifying terror after that.
At seven I rode from “home”. A house filthied with bane thoughts and energy’s and intentions. Going out was necessary, I couldn’t bear the gas-scent any longer. Nor the small silenced sounds of her trying to protest the locking-up she and we deserve and need.
I dove into the woods with Sander. I tried to let things out, but it was hard. I love this life so much. I can just look at a tree and weep of it’s beatuy. Howcome she wants to end it?
Sander accompanied me home, to switch the gas off completely and for the moral support I needed. I couldn’t go back in alone. He left just 15 minutes ago. Linda scared me to death by standing outside the door. I thought it was Marjolein returning home, ready for vengence. She was cursing seething with fury because I had called Erik.
I’m still afraid to go and sleep. What if she returns home and tries it again? I closed the gas tap in the kitchen and locked my door, but still. The ward they have her on for the night isn’t closed. She signed a contract not to leave but she can go if she wants to. She has before.
If she does stay tonight, she’ll be back tomorrow. I’m so scared of what will happen then.
At seven I rode from “home”. A house filthied with bane thoughts and energy’s and intentions. Going out was necessary, I couldn’t bear the gas-scent any longer. Nor the small silenced sounds of her trying to protest the locking-up she and we deserve and need.
I dove into the woods with Sander. I tried to let things out, but it was hard. I love this life so much. I can just look at a tree and weep of it’s beatuy. Howcome she wants to end it?
Sander accompanied me home, to switch the gas off completely and for the moral support I needed. I couldn’t go back in alone. He left just 15 minutes ago. Linda scared me to death by standing outside the door. I thought it was Marjolein returning home, ready for vengence. She was cursing seething with fury because I had called Erik.
I’m still afraid to go and sleep. What if she returns home and tries it again? I closed the gas tap in the kitchen and locked my door, but still. The ward they have her on for the night isn’t closed. She signed a contract not to leave but she can go if she wants to. She has before.
If she does stay tonight, she’ll be back tomorrow. I’m so scared of what will happen then.
