Last night

Christmas dinner at my dad's. Cow's meat, Haricots verts, broccoli, sauce Hollandaise, and taters. Lots of wine. The food was good. Jos was talking most of the time, I retreat like I always do. He overshadows me always because he's the eldest. Always has. I certainly am no match for him. What have I to say.
I didn't mind either. Made my dinner quiet and filled with rest. It was good seeing him and his girl again.

After dinner, before the icecream, we unwrapped presents. They got coupons for perfume (you know...my dad pays an amount of money, and she gets to pick up a nice perfume) and hotels. Raphael got an mp3/discman and I got a sleepingbag which is resistant to cold from -16 to -4 degrees. Yeay. Now I'll never be cold on a larp anymore!

So much pondering

Nirvana was on mtv yet again. I suppose there's some anniversary (so many years after Kurt's death or something) but I never was much into Nirvana. Back then I cared what my mother thought of my music...I wish it had been different.

Kurt's throatsongs took me back to Thursdaynight...
My girl, my girl
don't lie to me
tell me where did you sleep last night

Also I saw a movie with Kevin Kline (amongst other actors) and it lively reminded meof the fact that life is too short to be depressed. I should be enjoying every little gift this life is. Breathing as usual helps.

Bought a necklace in Rotterdam with a half moon on it. I thought I bought it for Formanterra but right now I'm thinking what subconscious urge there might have been.
His voice is still ringing in my ears, with Nirvana and Kurt, but his face is already fading. Of all my senses, touch and smell and hearing I remember well, but my eyesight always fails me. At night I'm half-blind and photo's must bring back faces.
I can vividly remember what he smells like, what his hair feels like and how it was to lie in his arms...but not his face. Already.