Home again. Typing out.
Jun. 9th, 2002 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janestarzBreakfast in the sun outside with fresh bread. That was yummy. Then, mom recolored my hair (it’s aubergine-red again), and I went back home. Made a hood on one of the Mirror monk suits, and it looks great. In the train I spoke with a girl who had a big fat load of pins on her bag. She turned out to also be a borderliner (it’s like they smell me!).
I just decided to type out the stuff I wrote last night. I didn’t realise I’m still dragging my village behind me in that big jar of “unfinished issues” until just now. The fact alone that I can still hurt Vincent and that I still want to, has shocked me. I’m not Miss Nice Grrl, but he brings out the Serial Mom in me. It’s been eight bloody years. Why can’t I forgive and forget?
Apparantly, he thinks he can still come so close and hurt me. Which he does. Mouthwise, I’ve grown a lot cheeckier and bitchier. But in guarding my borders (and my back) and keeping unwanted out, I’ve grown no better. That guy at Ozzfest did go away when I wanted him to, but Vincent still invaded. He rubbed my bloody leg, at which I trew cola all over myself in shock. He said the most disgusting things to me and all I could do was just walk away. And when I did, he came after me, and forced me (by his words playing with my mind, emotions, and past grieves) to stay.
I should have left when I found out the band sucked. But I didn’t because I wanted to give Mom and Luc some privacy. And so I was forced to meet my past again.
Mom says the boy has such a crush on me, and I might want to try and talk normal stuff with him. But how can you talk normal stuff with a drunk and high asshole who has devastated your past and somehow destroys your mind with every word he speaks?
I just decided to type out the stuff I wrote last night. I didn’t realise I’m still dragging my village behind me in that big jar of “unfinished issues” until just now. The fact alone that I can still hurt Vincent and that I still want to, has shocked me. I’m not Miss Nice Grrl, but he brings out the Serial Mom in me. It’s been eight bloody years. Why can’t I forgive and forget?
Apparantly, he thinks he can still come so close and hurt me. Which he does. Mouthwise, I’ve grown a lot cheeckier and bitchier. But in guarding my borders (and my back) and keeping unwanted out, I’ve grown no better. That guy at Ozzfest did go away when I wanted him to, but Vincent still invaded. He rubbed my bloody leg, at which I trew cola all over myself in shock. He said the most disgusting things to me and all I could do was just walk away. And when I did, he came after me, and forced me (by his words playing with my mind, emotions, and past grieves) to stay.
I should have left when I found out the band sucked. But I didn’t because I wanted to give Mom and Luc some privacy. And so I was forced to meet my past again.
Mom says the boy has such a crush on me, and I might want to try and talk normal stuff with him. But how can you talk normal stuff with a drunk and high asshole who has devastated your past and somehow destroys your mind with every word he speaks?
