Writings: Asterion & Beriadanwen
Dec. 22nd, 2008 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janestarzThe below text is an excerpt from the Anarquendor IC forum. It was written by Joep and my over the course of nearly two months. I copied everything into a word processor, translated the Dutch to English, and cleaned up the spelling and layout a bit.
The following information may not be used in-game.
I'm posting this for your enjoyment, not to be used at Omen. If you don't think you can keep these two things separated, do not proceed to click this link.
The Anarquendor Harlequin novel
Rated M for violence and R for abstract sex.
Written by Joep and Jane, copyright etc. Do not Distribute.
After Sulein Tauremenor left the camp the journey continues. The Anarquendor stay ahead of the rest of the caravan and travel many more miles than the humans because they scout for food, water and a safe place to camp.
One early morning before the sun has come up and there is a vague mist between the trees, Beriadanwen wakes up. She runs a hand through her hair and rubs her eyes. Only then she sees was lies next to her bedroll. Carefully she lifts it into her lap.
She looks around and sees that there is an elf on watch. She walks out of the camp and finds a tree to sit under, sitting down to face the forest. The swords she still holds in her hands she places on the ground in front of her. Then she places her hands in her lap and prays.
Underneath a tree a small distance away from her lies Asterion. When Beriadanwen walks past him he follows her with his eyes and watches as she sits down and places the swords in front of her. He slowly stands up and walks towards her. There he waits in silence until she notices him.
"Mán aur. Man carel le? - Good Morning. What are you doing?"
Beriadanwen looks up at Asterion standing over her. "Pedin na Rystill. Olthannen... - I talk to Rystill. I dreamt..." She looks away, staring into the distance and pauses. "I dreamt of kinship beyond death."
With a worried frown Asterion puts a hand on her shoulder. "If you want someone else to talk with after you've finished your conversation with Rystill... I'll be over there."
He points at the tree he had slept under, and walks back there, glancing over his shoulder as he goes.
Beriadanwen stays and prays for half an hour. She stares into the distance without really seeing, muttering softly every now and then. The swords are still in front of her, and when she finishes her prayer she touches them reverently, carefully. Then she sits up, picks up the swords, and walks over to Asterion. She sits down across from him, placing the swords to her left carefully.
"So..." she sighs.
Asterion glances from the swords to Beriandanwen. "...so... are you ok? I mean with the grief and the stress of leading this unit. If you have anything on your chest you want to tell to someone... I'm all ears, if you think you aren't ready to talk about it yet then I understand. I must advise you though that keeping grief to yourself ain't healthy." He grabs an apple from one of his pouches and hands it to her. "Hungry?"
"Thanks." says Beriadanwen, taking the apple. "I've been leading the Anarquendor for a little over a hundred years now, and it has never been easy. When we lost Captain Fenras, I thought the responsibility was too heavy. How could I lead them through that grief? I have been trained in battles of war, not in the battles of the mind. Luckily, my sister was here, and there was time to let our wounds heal. We truly became what we are today after Captain Fenras' death."
She bites into the apple, and eats for a few moments before continuing.
"We were sent here to help the humans, we risked our necks for them, and now three of my best men are dead. It was me who took the decision to stay. I told them to stand there and fight.
"Now I have decided we should no longer fight for the humans, as the humans have also decided they should no longer fight for the elves. I have decided, for all of us, that we will fight for all that is around us. Rystill's forests, the trees that surround us, everything that She has made for us. I can only hope that this terrible sacrifice we made will be enough to protect Her." She pauses for a moment. Then she whispers: "I can only hope that I can redeem myself this way."
"Leadership and the responsibilities that come with them are a burden, but a burden you have to and can live with. I would lay my life in your hands a thousand times over before I could even consider doing that with a human." Asterion replies. "War means casualties. They are inevitable, but from what I have seen, you saved your men and women from a far worse fate, by making the right decisions. Don't only judge yourself on the things that went wrong. You've done more for this unit then you even know yourself...You took the decision to stay. Three died because of that decision, but how many still live because of that decision?" He looks into Beriandanwen’s eyes. "You talk about redeeming yourself... Celebrating life and defeating these dreadful creatures is all the redemption you might ever need. And believe me, if slaying those undead is redemption... then by Rystill you have done a lot of redeeming."
Asterion pauses a moment to let his words sink in. "When we first met, you asked me to advise you and your unit. I want to give you two advises now. First of all talk with the remaining Anarquendor. Grieve for the dead, but I urge you to watch the morale and not only grief. Talk about how they feel about the unit and the losses and the decision to move away, let them open their hearth to you. And you should listen to their words and consider every one of them. Let them feel alive, let them notice they do matter...
"The second advise is that you might not fight for the humans, but do fight with them... They are going to help us with the problem named Kalithé. Which in turn saves Rystill. Walk with them and talk with them... some might be complete jerks... Okay, most of them are, but there are a few who do know what they talk about. Should we all start looking after ourselves and not unite against these undead, then Rystill is truly lost..."
A tear runs down his left cheek. "Then all is lost....."
Beriadanwen shyly looks at the ground between her feet. "You are right, and right again. To grieve those who have passed beyond, and celebrate life is sound advice.
"I promise you this: I will never surrender. I will fight until my dying breath to save these forests and all that is loved by Rystill. And as long as I draw breath and command the Anarquendor, I shall protect them and you, but above all else, that which Rystill has created for us." For a moment she hesitates, but then Beriadanwen places her hand on Asterion’s cheek to take away the tear. Two fingers with the salty water she puts to her own face, where also a tear runs down her cheek. "Through grief and death, Life will return."
A warm smile lights up Asterion’s face and he looks into Beriadanwen’s eyes. After a few moments he looks away and covers his ears with his hands to hide a red blush. Beriadanwen smiles, until she hears his voice. He sounds hesitant when he speaks: "I talk of celebrating life, but every time I think back to what I had to leave behind I fill up with rage and anger. And I can't place it. We're moving away from the main body and try to strike at the head of the undead... but until then I can't release my anger at those "Things". I'm afraid I might hurt someone... because I didn't control my rage." Then he whispers: "I don't know how to handle it..."
"Maybe Sairahiniel can help you with that." replies Beriadanwen. "She talks to Rystill more often than I do, and she often has sound advice as well. I do know that keeping anger inside is as bad as keeping grief inside. Emotions are not meant to be pent up inside you. They should be enjoyed, or shared. Or both.
"I don't know if this makes you feel better, but it was always a comfort to me. 'Laid ned alagos iavas / lyss ned sûl 'waeren / cuil ammen mi caim Rystill' - A leaf in autumn storm / snow in windy winter / our lives in Rystill's hands" Beriadanwen looks past Asterion into the woods behind him, like she sees something there. "Perhaps I should remember this next time I have a bad dream." She continues to stare in that direction, the apple in her hand forgotten.
Asterion stares at his hands, feeling uncomfortable. "I don't know... I have the feeling Rystill invokes this rage in me... that I feel some of her anger inside me." He rubs his hands over his face and sighs. "Perhaps I will talk to her... I just hope no one will give me cause to get angry till then..." Then he looks at Beriadanwen. "Eat... we've got a lot of travelling to do and that can't be done with an empty stomach"
Beriadanwen blinks a few times, sighs deeply and turns towards Asterion again. "We are quite talking about two things here, aren't we? No matter." She smiles at Asterion and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I think every woodelf is enraged about this forest being trampled beneath the feet of undead. We are raised to protect the forest, to preserve the balance. From little children we are taught that the forest is as sacred as Rystill. And to have our beliefs thusly trampled should enrage us all. And it does me, believe me." She takes Asterion’s hand, a little clumsily as she’s still holding the apple in one hand. "I know Rystill weeps for the damage these undead do to Her forests. I know She is angry too. And some elves have a closer personal bond with Her, share in Her emotions more deeply than others do.
"You've been here for a long time, or so our Queen tells me. I believe that whenever an elf and a specific part of nature are so close together, they grow a connection. I like to think that if anything were to happen to Weylin, we all would feel it too. Arevalo ...he has had a very strong bond with the part of Weylin we spent such a long time in. And he has been agitated and restless just as we all have been. You could blame it on the war, of course, but perhaps there is something else at work here." She looks more seriously. "Your anger, when unchecked, can also present a danger to us all. You could attack a hapless human - for most are no more than children or toddlers - or alert even bigger foes we cannot handle while on the run.
"So, perhaps it's time you unleash some of your anger, or perhaps channel it into a different emotion. If you like, I'll help you. But I do need to know if you can keep us all safe in the meantime."
"I would never hurt one of my kindred that is not trying to hurt me first;" Asterion replies, "I just don't know about the others. So I won't mingle with the humans anymore. If they do have to speak to me for some reason I'll just need someone around to keep them and me safe. I'll be around to scout ahead, and perform my tasks for this group, you can count on me...." He grins wide, a twinkle in his eye. "What other emotion?"
A red blush appears on Beriadanwen’s face when Asterion grins at her like that. "Perhaps some unarmed combat training will help you release your anger." She says, but it seems like she had something else in mind. "It is hard to let go of anger, but focusing on something a little more physical can take your mind off things. It's very hard to change anger into laughter. It might be easier to change anger into focused precision. And it's surely better than death and destruction."
"I could use some distraction myself." She adds, as an afterthought.
Asterion stands up, still smiling at her. "Unarmed combat training?....any particular muscles or body parts you wanted to train?" He looks into Beriadanwen’s eyes. "...or should I come up with an exercise?"
Beriadanwen smiles at Asterion. "I was speaking as a captain, but perhaps..." she gets up. "...perhaps it is time I take some time for myself as well. You will excuse me if I am a bit slow on the uptake. I seem to be out of practice, and it's been a good while since I've taken the liberty to enjoy myself romantically."
"I must admit I was teasing you... but perhaps a good walk will be a nice warm up," Asterion reaches for her hand, "for any exercise."
"One second." replies Beriadanwen. She carefully takes the swords and belts them on. "Avan'il would kill me..." Alarmed, she stops speaking. Then she corrects herself. "I was given them for a reason, and Dur'ithil would take it amiss if something were to happen to his brother's swords."
She smiles at Asterion. "Perhaps I can tell you how I got these, while we walk?"
"I'd like that...." Asterion nods, while he picks up his bow.
Beriadanwen walks back to her bedroll, where her cloak is still on the ground and her quiver and bow are leaned against a tree. The quiver is belted around her waist, and she arranges it so that the swords do not interfere with the quiver. Then she puts on her gloves and grabs her bow. She nods to the elf on guard, so he knows she will be away for a little while. Together with Asterion she walks into the forest, away from the Anarquendor and human encampments. When she finishes her apple, she throws the remains into the shrubs, and starts to talk.
"In that last battle at the trading post - at the village I should say - I saw that Galadhon had been corrupted and was fighting the humans we were sent here to protect. I gave you my bow and tried to stop him, tried to pin his arms to his side.
"I was foolish to think I could stop him, but I hoped he would remember me, that he would not raise his hand against me. I was wrong. He took my sword from the scabbard and used it to attack us. And my sword was shattered by one of the mages standing there. That is why this scabbard is now empty."
She feels the empty scabbard at her side, the familiar weight of her sword now gone. "Sulein knows this, and though I told him to stay at our Queen's side, I have no doubt he will try and get me a replacement. After all, Radag'hen is still trying to reach us and Sumolan will soon follow us as well.
"I did not expect to get these in stead."
Beriadanwen softly touches the swords of Ava'nil. "These are Avan'il swords, the swords he has trained with, the swords that danced for him. It would be dishonouring his memory to take them from him. And yet, when I woke up this morning, they were lying next to me."
"So you reckon Sulein placed them there?" Asterion replies. "You'd have some excellent swords if you decide to keep them. But will it not remember you of Avan'il each time you draw those swords... Will it awaken more grief in you when you draw those swords?"
He stops walking for a moment and looks up. "Keep them for now. First of all, you need a sword. Second, it won’t help you or anyone leaving them with Avan'il's remains. I suggest taking them along and handing them over to his family when you get the chance to meet them. But I reckon you considered this as well."
"It was not Sulein, though I do not doubt he will try to get me a replacement sword if he can." Beriadanwen replies. "He always took his duty seriously - his whole family has trained with and joined the Royal Guard, after all. But Sulein had already left by the time we made camp. I had the first watch, and he did not return. Sulein was many miles from us by the time I went to sleep."
Beriadanwen leans against a tree and her fingers dig out a piece of fur from between the bark. "No, Sulein did not return to us, nor did anyone else come into our camp that does not belong there.
"I had a rather disturbing dream last night, and when I woke up these swords were lying next to me. I said I had dreamed of kinship beyond death, and I spoke the truth."
She continues walking and looks into the woods, away from Asterion, searching in the distance. When Asterion catches up with her, she continues talking. "I dreamed I was alone in a stretch of forest that I did not know. The trees were strange, the undergrowth was untouched and there was no sign of a living soul nearby." A wry smile curls the corner of her mouth. "Above me, the moon turned dark, something moved in front of it - a disc of some sort. The forest quieted, night owls stopped hunting, creatures hid, and still I was alone.
"When I looked around, I saw a white light, a being, dancing between the trees. It looked like an elf and it moved wildly, sometimes rushing up into the trees, sometimes dancing around the trunks. He was joined by another white being, who was more serene, more peaceful. It called out to the wilder white being, who paused.
"The serene being waited, but then it moved away from me. The wilder being did not follow. And then...a soft wind through the trees, getting louder. The cries of dozens of elves crying out in pain, crying out my name, louder and louder, all over again."
Nervously Beriadanwen looks around, like she is back in that dream again. She stops walking and looks at Asterion. Her face is drawn and tight, tears forming in her eyes.
"Suddenly it was quiet. And one voice cried out my name. It was Avan'il, his face right in front of mine, his hair flailing about in the wind, like he was being tormented. Red...and then white."
She looks away, looks at the ground. Then she brusquely wipes a tear away and looks back into the forest. Her head a little too high, so no more tears will escape her eyes, avoiding Asterion’s eyes. Asterion takes a step towards her and puts his arm around her shoulders. "I have little knowledge of the meaning of dreams... but I do know this, there was nothing you or me or anyone could have done to change their fate... I grief for the loss of our kin and if I were to know them better they might have become good friends, I will never know and that aches my heart. Seeing you being overwhelmed by the loss of Avan'il and Galadhon aches my heart even more... You don’t deserve this. You keep blaming yourself for their deaths or so it seems.
"Let me tell you one of my believes. I believe that all fates are written... like a road with milestones. What we can choose is the way we travel from stone to stone. I've seen too much to believe that life is a coincidence, what I did learn is that my emotions are my own and that even fate can't change them..." His voice is filled with assurance. "Cry now, shout now... release those emotions that take the heart out of you.... and give them a place." Then he whispers to her. "Edro gûr lín - Open your heart."
For a moment Beriadanwen doesn’t move, but she starts to smile through her tears. She turns to Asterion and puts her hand on his. "I am opening my heart to you."
"Trust me, the only one in the regiment I usually talk with about things like these is my sister. And every time I do I see the pain in her eyes, that she wants to help me and can't, and she doesn't realise that by listening alone she is helping me.
"Of course I feel responsible for the death of these elves. Eltha'rin - who was always the voice of reason, who forced me to think. He had no love for humans after what happened with captain Fenras and still he put his life on the line for them. Avan'il - who gave up his name just so he could become a wardancer. Galadhon - whom I could always ask for help, who was a strong hand at my side whether I asked it of him or no."
A tear rolls down her cheek, but her voice is calmer now. "I am responsible for their death, but that doesn't make me feel guilty. I did everything I could to help them, I did not abandon them when they needed me, but I do wonder if I could have done something differently.
"Mostly what I feel is regret and pain at their loss. And perhaps a little guilt after all. That is why this dream affected me so. It was like Avan'il came to me to tell me he was angry. But when he spoke, he did not say so. It was more that I got the impression he was tormented..."
She pauses. "All my life I've felt responsible for others - my parents named me well. And as a captain, I am the one who looks after them all. That also means I don't allow my personal feelings to surface often. I don't talk about them in public, I don't talk about them with anybody but Saira, if at all. So you see, I am opening my heart."
Asterion thinks for a moment before he replies. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. I am glad you told your tale though. If you ever need a listening ear for what ever problem. I'll listen and I'll give advice if you ask me for it. It's just the familiarity I see with myself. I walked away from leadership and its burden to fulfill my destiny, so I know how it can trouble ones mind." He pauses to think. "If you want to know more about dreaming about the death I suggest talking to the priest of Angharad. His name is Quel'Zar. He seems to know a lot about it..."
Then he frowns. "If Sulein didn't place those swords there, then who did....?"
Beriadanwen softly answers: "I think it was Avan'il himself. We've left the swords with him, and now he has returned them to me. I don't know how, but here they are."
She turns away, stares into the distance. "Avan'il did have a message for me. A part of the message was meant for Luthine, and he also spoke of his brother. He said Dur'ithil is following us.
"Lastly, he spoke of Sulein. He said they would follow him and keep him safe. 'Kinship beyond death.'
"If there is any way they could reach from beyond the veil back to us, I would wish it to be so they could shelter us, like guardians. I think none would be better than wardancers to do so. And it gives me great comfort to know that they are watching over Sulein. His journey will be perilous, and though I trust in his abilities it is good to know that there are those to watch his back." Beriadanwen smiles at Asterion over her shoulder, and then continues walking.
When he hears that Avan'il has brought the swords, Asterion looks alarmed and confused. "You mean that he walks again? The way those necromancers did with him? Or... I think I don’t understand."
"That makes two of us then." Beriadanwen sighs. "But no, I don't think he walks again in this world. Those who were turned against us were turned in full and would have no issue attacking us, I'm sure. I'd like to think that he came to me in my dream and gave me those swords.
"Just before we left we burned their remains. No songs, no goodbyes, no stories we told. War does strange things to people, humans and elves. It's hard for me to grieve when we have not fully said goodbye yet. It feels unfinished. Perhaps that is why he looked so tormented in my dream? I don't know.
"Let us not talk of these vague things. I feel better now, having shared the contents of my dream with you. Tell me of unarmed combat. Or something else, if you like." She pokes Asterion and winks at him. He smiles and winks back. "You know that unarmed combat is a full contact sport, don't you?"
Beriadanwen laughs gaily. "I know. I've had military training, once. When I was younger. Do you really think I would break so easily? It's been a while since I trained that way, but I am sure I can still hold my ground, if need be. Or did I really do so badly when I jumped on poor Galadhon?"
"No, perhaps it's better if you don't tell me." She says, clearly exaggerating. "I don't think my ego could stand it! I only wear this armour so it is protected from my failures, you know. If I do not go down in battle after the first hit, my poor poor ego will not be bruised." She smiles widely, her worries disappeared to the background now.
"Don't worry, I won't bruise your ego... to much." Asterion replies, and he takes a pose. He bends his knees and takes off his armour. "Now you can hurt my ego as well. Do you want me to cover the basics or the more advanced combat?"
"Let's start by you helping me out of my armour." Beriadanwen starts to take off her quiver and the belt with Avan’il’s swords. "And I hope you won't blush too much. Tell me, have you ever undressed a woman in armour? It's quite an experience."
With some difficulty she knows to undo one of the straps of her armour, but then she waits until Asterion helps her. "Let's start easy, it's still early and I don't want to wake the others. We're not that far out."
Asterion frowns for a moment. "Now you mention it, never out of an armour..." He helps Beriadanwen take her armour off and gets back into position. "Okay, let's start with what I try to do to an opponent that is unarmed just like myself. That's getting him immobile or on the ground. There are several ways to do so.. but by far the fastest is a quick low kick with the sheen to your opponent’s knee. He will go to the ground, and if he doesn't fall down completely, just finish off with a few well placed punches. " He demonstrates in slow motion what he wants to do."Should your opponent have a ranged weapon or a long weapon, like a sword, then you should step in and close the distance to that person so he can't use the weapon properly. Duck and cover your head with one arm while you punch on the kidneys with the other arm. Let me show you"
Asterion takes a quick step forwards so he is right in front of Beriadanwen, looks into her eyes and seems to have completely forgotten what he wanted to do for he doesn’t move anymore. For some seconds Beriadanwen doesn’t move either. She seems to have forgotten everything around her. Then she blinks. "The only thing you're showing me is how easily distracted you are."
She steps aside, and grabs Asterion's wrist. She turns his hand towards his thumb, and steps so she’s half behind him, holding his wrist in a fierce grips so his arm is twisted. She lifts his wrist to shoulder height, and puts her hand on his kidney. She loosens her grip somewhat as she steps closely behind him. Her breath tickles in his neck when she says: "Tag, you're it."
Asterion smiles. "Perhaps I shouldn't have taken off my armour because you're denting my ego with a dwarven warhammer here...As you might have noticed, all my skills in unarmed combat are focussed on the speed of my actions... if I falter I am lost...
"This time it was the other way around, I was lost, so I faltered."
He turns loose with a spin and gracefully returns to the starting position. "Now let's dance..."
"It's a good thing we are archers, then. At least we can keep our distance." Beriadanwen also readies herself for a next round. "Are you asking me out on a date, Asterion?"
She steps in, keeps her left arm above her head to block a blow. Her face seems to turn whiter, but she makes a fist of her right hand and tries to strike at Asterion’s kidney.
Asterion reacts, and blocks Beriadanwen’s right fist with his left arm. He steps in and places his front foot behind Beriadanwen’s leg, pushing her over with his momentum. At the last moment, he catches her for a soft landing. "Think we're already are dating and you're falling for me...."
He lies down next to Beriandanwen."So.... what's next?"
Beriadanwen stays still, and places her right hand on her left side, on her ribs. After a few seconds she slowly breathes out. The colour returns to her face. "In the old days, you should have asked my parents for permission to take me out. But since you're lost and I have fallen, I think it's too late to ask for their permission."
She moves her head so it doesn't rest on pinecones, but when that doesn’t work she rummages with her right hand under her head until there are no more pine cones left. "You and I make a fine couple. What will the rest say when we get back to camp, hair all tousled, and with earth and needles in our hair?"
Her eyes seem to shine and there is a big smile on her face. "I don't think any of them will believe that we have been training, although I'm not sure Luthine will believe I can do any of this without one of her songs to help me."
When Beriandanwen mentions parents, Asterion frowns and he is very quiet. "I don't think Luthine actually needed to sing the song the way that she did...Are you still hurt at that rib? I'll make you some Blueleaf tea when we get back. It should take away some of the pain..."
"There's no fooling you, I can tell. Yes, my rib still bothers me." Beriadanwen replies. "Not so much as before. One of the humans, Jean-Louis, healed me and just before we left the village Sairahiniel also laid her hands on me. I'm afraid it's still blue and will bother me for a while. It's nothing serious. Just some shortness of breath when I've been running. I probably shouldn’t do much unarmed combat or other physical exercise."
She turns to her side so she can look at Asterion. "So some blueleaf tea should fix me right up. I'm no use to anyone if I endanger them with an injury. I'm surprised it's still bothering me. Usually Saira's healing takes care of any pains I might have.
"That undead was rather brutal - it didn't look left or right nor stop when I stepped in front of it. Perhaps the initial injury was more severe than I had suspected. It knocked me out good."
Asterion doesn’t answer, but stares up to the sky above. "Are your parents still alive?"
Beriadanwen places her free hand on Asterion’s hand and plays with his fingers. "My parents died shortly before Sairahiniel joined the regiment. Perhaps that was the reason she joined me in the army. I never did ask her.
"Sairahiniel is almost two hundred years my junior, and she was much closer to them than I was. She was still quite young when our father passed away. I had already chosen to join the army when Sairahiniel was born, although I didn't get around to going into training for a few decades, until after my adult ritual.
"Will you tell me something about your life?"
Asterion looks into Beriandanwen’s eyes and replies seriously: "I've sworn an oath of secrecy..." He glances around to see if anyone is around. "You must promise me that everything I'll tell you is a secret and you keep it a secret. I'll let you ask questions and I'll try to answer as best as possible..."
"Hush now." Beriadanwen places a finger on Asterion's lips. "If you are sworn to secrecy, then do not tell me. If you want to tell me what you are allowed to say, I will welcome it, but I will not be the reason you are foresworn. Please do not break your oath for me."
"I'll tell you as much as I can without breaking my oath." Asterion leans over to Beriadanwen and whispers something into her ear. Then he speaks again: "I am the thorn on the rose that is called Rystill. I am Nymraif."
"I see, but I do not understand." Beriadanwen leans back, and then decides to lie back when her rib causes her discomfort. "Or maybe I understand a little."
She turns her head towards Asterion. "And now it is I who wishes to help you carry your burden. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live your life without ever being able to confide in anyone. Thurin lîn naro dínen gurenen" - Your secret is whispered in my heart. "Boe ennas beriannen" - There it will be safe."
"I feel relieved to be able to share some of it with someone... or not just someone... with you.
It aint easy living they way I do, but it has a purpose and that keeps me going." Asterion pulls something from underneath his tunic, a pendant of some sort. "Should I ever fall in combat, then can you please deliver this necklace to the Queen in some kind of way?" Beriadanwen looks at the pendant and nods gravely, but remains silent. Asterion puts the pendant away again. He stands up and reaches out his hand. "Come on, we should be heading back and I promised you I'd make you some tea..."
Beriadanwen reaches with her right hand and allows Asterion to help her up. She rakes a hand through her hair and grimaces when a long pine needle is tangled in the locks. "A hot cup of tea will be welcome, it will be a long enough march today. I just hope we will be able to find water along the way soon."
She takes her armour and carefully pulls it over her head, taking extra care not to bruise the sensitive tips. She tries to close the clasps, but fails. "Hîr nîn, tobo anim?" - My lord, close it for me? A sparkle in her eyes. "Much less fun than the other way around, I grant you, but necessary nonetheless."
Asterion closes Beriandanwen’s armour for her and then dresses himself. "Frontal seals are way easier..."
While Beriadanwen belts on her quiver and the belt with Avan’ils swords again, she looks towards the east. "The sun will be coming up soon," she turns to Asterion, "and there will be no more time. Rise early, travel hard, find water and food and a safe place to camp."
Beriadanwen carefully picks up her bow and runs her fingers over the wood. Then she returns to the camp with Asterion.
"I should tell Luthine about this dream, or at least deliver the message Avan'il had for her, so I suggest we set out a little later today. It will give them some time to wake up and for me to have some tea. The coming weeks will be hard enough."
Just before returning to camp she stops, and faces Asterion. "I have enjoyed myself this morning, even if not everything we talked about has been enjoyable. Le hannon."
Asterion nods politely. "I enjoyed being able to share some burdens. Let me know what Luthine's explanation was for the dream. I'm quite curious to be honest" He walks into the camp and starts on making some tea.
Beriadanwen walks into the camp in search of Luthine. She rakes her hand through her hair again, searching for stray pine needles. When she reaches Luthine, Beriadanwen softly speaks her name. "Luthine..."
The following information may not be used in-game.
I'm posting this for your enjoyment, not to be used at Omen. If you don't think you can keep these two things separated, do not proceed to click this link.
The Anarquendor Harlequin novel
Rated M for violence and R for abstract sex.
Written by Joep and Jane, copyright etc. Do not Distribute.
After Sulein Tauremenor left the camp the journey continues. The Anarquendor stay ahead of the rest of the caravan and travel many more miles than the humans because they scout for food, water and a safe place to camp.
One early morning before the sun has come up and there is a vague mist between the trees, Beriadanwen wakes up. She runs a hand through her hair and rubs her eyes. Only then she sees was lies next to her bedroll. Carefully she lifts it into her lap.
She looks around and sees that there is an elf on watch. She walks out of the camp and finds a tree to sit under, sitting down to face the forest. The swords she still holds in her hands she places on the ground in front of her. Then she places her hands in her lap and prays.
Underneath a tree a small distance away from her lies Asterion. When Beriadanwen walks past him he follows her with his eyes and watches as she sits down and places the swords in front of her. He slowly stands up and walks towards her. There he waits in silence until she notices him.
"Mán aur. Man carel le? - Good Morning. What are you doing?"
Beriadanwen looks up at Asterion standing over her. "Pedin na Rystill. Olthannen... - I talk to Rystill. I dreamt..." She looks away, staring into the distance and pauses. "I dreamt of kinship beyond death."
With a worried frown Asterion puts a hand on her shoulder. "If you want someone else to talk with after you've finished your conversation with Rystill... I'll be over there."
He points at the tree he had slept under, and walks back there, glancing over his shoulder as he goes.
Beriadanwen stays and prays for half an hour. She stares into the distance without really seeing, muttering softly every now and then. The swords are still in front of her, and when she finishes her prayer she touches them reverently, carefully. Then she sits up, picks up the swords, and walks over to Asterion. She sits down across from him, placing the swords to her left carefully.
"So..." she sighs.
Asterion glances from the swords to Beriandanwen. "...so... are you ok? I mean with the grief and the stress of leading this unit. If you have anything on your chest you want to tell to someone... I'm all ears, if you think you aren't ready to talk about it yet then I understand. I must advise you though that keeping grief to yourself ain't healthy." He grabs an apple from one of his pouches and hands it to her. "Hungry?"
"Thanks." says Beriadanwen, taking the apple. "I've been leading the Anarquendor for a little over a hundred years now, and it has never been easy. When we lost Captain Fenras, I thought the responsibility was too heavy. How could I lead them through that grief? I have been trained in battles of war, not in the battles of the mind. Luckily, my sister was here, and there was time to let our wounds heal. We truly became what we are today after Captain Fenras' death."
She bites into the apple, and eats for a few moments before continuing.
"We were sent here to help the humans, we risked our necks for them, and now three of my best men are dead. It was me who took the decision to stay. I told them to stand there and fight.
"Now I have decided we should no longer fight for the humans, as the humans have also decided they should no longer fight for the elves. I have decided, for all of us, that we will fight for all that is around us. Rystill's forests, the trees that surround us, everything that She has made for us. I can only hope that this terrible sacrifice we made will be enough to protect Her." She pauses for a moment. Then she whispers: "I can only hope that I can redeem myself this way."
"Leadership and the responsibilities that come with them are a burden, but a burden you have to and can live with. I would lay my life in your hands a thousand times over before I could even consider doing that with a human." Asterion replies. "War means casualties. They are inevitable, but from what I have seen, you saved your men and women from a far worse fate, by making the right decisions. Don't only judge yourself on the things that went wrong. You've done more for this unit then you even know yourself...You took the decision to stay. Three died because of that decision, but how many still live because of that decision?" He looks into Beriandanwen’s eyes. "You talk about redeeming yourself... Celebrating life and defeating these dreadful creatures is all the redemption you might ever need. And believe me, if slaying those undead is redemption... then by Rystill you have done a lot of redeeming."
Asterion pauses a moment to let his words sink in. "When we first met, you asked me to advise you and your unit. I want to give you two advises now. First of all talk with the remaining Anarquendor. Grieve for the dead, but I urge you to watch the morale and not only grief. Talk about how they feel about the unit and the losses and the decision to move away, let them open their hearth to you. And you should listen to their words and consider every one of them. Let them feel alive, let them notice they do matter...
"The second advise is that you might not fight for the humans, but do fight with them... They are going to help us with the problem named Kalithé. Which in turn saves Rystill. Walk with them and talk with them... some might be complete jerks... Okay, most of them are, but there are a few who do know what they talk about. Should we all start looking after ourselves and not unite against these undead, then Rystill is truly lost..."
A tear runs down his left cheek. "Then all is lost....."
Beriadanwen shyly looks at the ground between her feet. "You are right, and right again. To grieve those who have passed beyond, and celebrate life is sound advice.
"I promise you this: I will never surrender. I will fight until my dying breath to save these forests and all that is loved by Rystill. And as long as I draw breath and command the Anarquendor, I shall protect them and you, but above all else, that which Rystill has created for us." For a moment she hesitates, but then Beriadanwen places her hand on Asterion’s cheek to take away the tear. Two fingers with the salty water she puts to her own face, where also a tear runs down her cheek. "Through grief and death, Life will return."
A warm smile lights up Asterion’s face and he looks into Beriadanwen’s eyes. After a few moments he looks away and covers his ears with his hands to hide a red blush. Beriadanwen smiles, until she hears his voice. He sounds hesitant when he speaks: "I talk of celebrating life, but every time I think back to what I had to leave behind I fill up with rage and anger. And I can't place it. We're moving away from the main body and try to strike at the head of the undead... but until then I can't release my anger at those "Things". I'm afraid I might hurt someone... because I didn't control my rage." Then he whispers: "I don't know how to handle it..."
"Maybe Sairahiniel can help you with that." replies Beriadanwen. "She talks to Rystill more often than I do, and she often has sound advice as well. I do know that keeping anger inside is as bad as keeping grief inside. Emotions are not meant to be pent up inside you. They should be enjoyed, or shared. Or both.
"I don't know if this makes you feel better, but it was always a comfort to me. 'Laid ned alagos iavas / lyss ned sûl 'waeren / cuil ammen mi caim Rystill' - A leaf in autumn storm / snow in windy winter / our lives in Rystill's hands" Beriadanwen looks past Asterion into the woods behind him, like she sees something there. "Perhaps I should remember this next time I have a bad dream." She continues to stare in that direction, the apple in her hand forgotten.
Asterion stares at his hands, feeling uncomfortable. "I don't know... I have the feeling Rystill invokes this rage in me... that I feel some of her anger inside me." He rubs his hands over his face and sighs. "Perhaps I will talk to her... I just hope no one will give me cause to get angry till then..." Then he looks at Beriadanwen. "Eat... we've got a lot of travelling to do and that can't be done with an empty stomach"
Beriadanwen blinks a few times, sighs deeply and turns towards Asterion again. "We are quite talking about two things here, aren't we? No matter." She smiles at Asterion and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I think every woodelf is enraged about this forest being trampled beneath the feet of undead. We are raised to protect the forest, to preserve the balance. From little children we are taught that the forest is as sacred as Rystill. And to have our beliefs thusly trampled should enrage us all. And it does me, believe me." She takes Asterion’s hand, a little clumsily as she’s still holding the apple in one hand. "I know Rystill weeps for the damage these undead do to Her forests. I know She is angry too. And some elves have a closer personal bond with Her, share in Her emotions more deeply than others do.
"You've been here for a long time, or so our Queen tells me. I believe that whenever an elf and a specific part of nature are so close together, they grow a connection. I like to think that if anything were to happen to Weylin, we all would feel it too. Arevalo ...he has had a very strong bond with the part of Weylin we spent such a long time in. And he has been agitated and restless just as we all have been. You could blame it on the war, of course, but perhaps there is something else at work here." She looks more seriously. "Your anger, when unchecked, can also present a danger to us all. You could attack a hapless human - for most are no more than children or toddlers - or alert even bigger foes we cannot handle while on the run.
"So, perhaps it's time you unleash some of your anger, or perhaps channel it into a different emotion. If you like, I'll help you. But I do need to know if you can keep us all safe in the meantime."
"I would never hurt one of my kindred that is not trying to hurt me first;" Asterion replies, "I just don't know about the others. So I won't mingle with the humans anymore. If they do have to speak to me for some reason I'll just need someone around to keep them and me safe. I'll be around to scout ahead, and perform my tasks for this group, you can count on me...." He grins wide, a twinkle in his eye. "What other emotion?"
A red blush appears on Beriadanwen’s face when Asterion grins at her like that. "Perhaps some unarmed combat training will help you release your anger." She says, but it seems like she had something else in mind. "It is hard to let go of anger, but focusing on something a little more physical can take your mind off things. It's very hard to change anger into laughter. It might be easier to change anger into focused precision. And it's surely better than death and destruction."
"I could use some distraction myself." She adds, as an afterthought.
Asterion stands up, still smiling at her. "Unarmed combat training?....any particular muscles or body parts you wanted to train?" He looks into Beriadanwen’s eyes. "...or should I come up with an exercise?"
Beriadanwen smiles at Asterion. "I was speaking as a captain, but perhaps..." she gets up. "...perhaps it is time I take some time for myself as well. You will excuse me if I am a bit slow on the uptake. I seem to be out of practice, and it's been a good while since I've taken the liberty to enjoy myself romantically."
"I must admit I was teasing you... but perhaps a good walk will be a nice warm up," Asterion reaches for her hand, "for any exercise."
"One second." replies Beriadanwen. She carefully takes the swords and belts them on. "Avan'il would kill me..." Alarmed, she stops speaking. Then she corrects herself. "I was given them for a reason, and Dur'ithil would take it amiss if something were to happen to his brother's swords."
She smiles at Asterion. "Perhaps I can tell you how I got these, while we walk?"
"I'd like that...." Asterion nods, while he picks up his bow.
Beriadanwen walks back to her bedroll, where her cloak is still on the ground and her quiver and bow are leaned against a tree. The quiver is belted around her waist, and she arranges it so that the swords do not interfere with the quiver. Then she puts on her gloves and grabs her bow. She nods to the elf on guard, so he knows she will be away for a little while. Together with Asterion she walks into the forest, away from the Anarquendor and human encampments. When she finishes her apple, she throws the remains into the shrubs, and starts to talk.
"In that last battle at the trading post - at the village I should say - I saw that Galadhon had been corrupted and was fighting the humans we were sent here to protect. I gave you my bow and tried to stop him, tried to pin his arms to his side.
"I was foolish to think I could stop him, but I hoped he would remember me, that he would not raise his hand against me. I was wrong. He took my sword from the scabbard and used it to attack us. And my sword was shattered by one of the mages standing there. That is why this scabbard is now empty."
She feels the empty scabbard at her side, the familiar weight of her sword now gone. "Sulein knows this, and though I told him to stay at our Queen's side, I have no doubt he will try and get me a replacement. After all, Radag'hen is still trying to reach us and Sumolan will soon follow us as well.
"I did not expect to get these in stead."
Beriadanwen softly touches the swords of Ava'nil. "These are Avan'il swords, the swords he has trained with, the swords that danced for him. It would be dishonouring his memory to take them from him. And yet, when I woke up this morning, they were lying next to me."
"So you reckon Sulein placed them there?" Asterion replies. "You'd have some excellent swords if you decide to keep them. But will it not remember you of Avan'il each time you draw those swords... Will it awaken more grief in you when you draw those swords?"
He stops walking for a moment and looks up. "Keep them for now. First of all, you need a sword. Second, it won’t help you or anyone leaving them with Avan'il's remains. I suggest taking them along and handing them over to his family when you get the chance to meet them. But I reckon you considered this as well."
"It was not Sulein, though I do not doubt he will try to get me a replacement sword if he can." Beriadanwen replies. "He always took his duty seriously - his whole family has trained with and joined the Royal Guard, after all. But Sulein had already left by the time we made camp. I had the first watch, and he did not return. Sulein was many miles from us by the time I went to sleep."
Beriadanwen leans against a tree and her fingers dig out a piece of fur from between the bark. "No, Sulein did not return to us, nor did anyone else come into our camp that does not belong there.
"I had a rather disturbing dream last night, and when I woke up these swords were lying next to me. I said I had dreamed of kinship beyond death, and I spoke the truth."
She continues walking and looks into the woods, away from Asterion, searching in the distance. When Asterion catches up with her, she continues talking. "I dreamed I was alone in a stretch of forest that I did not know. The trees were strange, the undergrowth was untouched and there was no sign of a living soul nearby." A wry smile curls the corner of her mouth. "Above me, the moon turned dark, something moved in front of it - a disc of some sort. The forest quieted, night owls stopped hunting, creatures hid, and still I was alone.
"When I looked around, I saw a white light, a being, dancing between the trees. It looked like an elf and it moved wildly, sometimes rushing up into the trees, sometimes dancing around the trunks. He was joined by another white being, who was more serene, more peaceful. It called out to the wilder white being, who paused.
"The serene being waited, but then it moved away from me. The wilder being did not follow. And then...a soft wind through the trees, getting louder. The cries of dozens of elves crying out in pain, crying out my name, louder and louder, all over again."
Nervously Beriadanwen looks around, like she is back in that dream again. She stops walking and looks at Asterion. Her face is drawn and tight, tears forming in her eyes.
"Suddenly it was quiet. And one voice cried out my name. It was Avan'il, his face right in front of mine, his hair flailing about in the wind, like he was being tormented. Red...and then white."
She looks away, looks at the ground. Then she brusquely wipes a tear away and looks back into the forest. Her head a little too high, so no more tears will escape her eyes, avoiding Asterion’s eyes. Asterion takes a step towards her and puts his arm around her shoulders. "I have little knowledge of the meaning of dreams... but I do know this, there was nothing you or me or anyone could have done to change their fate... I grief for the loss of our kin and if I were to know them better they might have become good friends, I will never know and that aches my heart. Seeing you being overwhelmed by the loss of Avan'il and Galadhon aches my heart even more... You don’t deserve this. You keep blaming yourself for their deaths or so it seems.
"Let me tell you one of my believes. I believe that all fates are written... like a road with milestones. What we can choose is the way we travel from stone to stone. I've seen too much to believe that life is a coincidence, what I did learn is that my emotions are my own and that even fate can't change them..." His voice is filled with assurance. "Cry now, shout now... release those emotions that take the heart out of you.... and give them a place." Then he whispers to her. "Edro gûr lín - Open your heart."
For a moment Beriadanwen doesn’t move, but she starts to smile through her tears. She turns to Asterion and puts her hand on his. "I am opening my heart to you."
"Trust me, the only one in the regiment I usually talk with about things like these is my sister. And every time I do I see the pain in her eyes, that she wants to help me and can't, and she doesn't realise that by listening alone she is helping me.
"Of course I feel responsible for the death of these elves. Eltha'rin - who was always the voice of reason, who forced me to think. He had no love for humans after what happened with captain Fenras and still he put his life on the line for them. Avan'il - who gave up his name just so he could become a wardancer. Galadhon - whom I could always ask for help, who was a strong hand at my side whether I asked it of him or no."
A tear rolls down her cheek, but her voice is calmer now. "I am responsible for their death, but that doesn't make me feel guilty. I did everything I could to help them, I did not abandon them when they needed me, but I do wonder if I could have done something differently.
"Mostly what I feel is regret and pain at their loss. And perhaps a little guilt after all. That is why this dream affected me so. It was like Avan'il came to me to tell me he was angry. But when he spoke, he did not say so. It was more that I got the impression he was tormented..."
She pauses. "All my life I've felt responsible for others - my parents named me well. And as a captain, I am the one who looks after them all. That also means I don't allow my personal feelings to surface often. I don't talk about them in public, I don't talk about them with anybody but Saira, if at all. So you see, I am opening my heart."
Asterion thinks for a moment before he replies. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. I am glad you told your tale though. If you ever need a listening ear for what ever problem. I'll listen and I'll give advice if you ask me for it. It's just the familiarity I see with myself. I walked away from leadership and its burden to fulfill my destiny, so I know how it can trouble ones mind." He pauses to think. "If you want to know more about dreaming about the death I suggest talking to the priest of Angharad. His name is Quel'Zar. He seems to know a lot about it..."
Then he frowns. "If Sulein didn't place those swords there, then who did....?"
Beriadanwen softly answers: "I think it was Avan'il himself. We've left the swords with him, and now he has returned them to me. I don't know how, but here they are."
She turns away, stares into the distance. "Avan'il did have a message for me. A part of the message was meant for Luthine, and he also spoke of his brother. He said Dur'ithil is following us.
"Lastly, he spoke of Sulein. He said they would follow him and keep him safe. 'Kinship beyond death.'
"If there is any way they could reach from beyond the veil back to us, I would wish it to be so they could shelter us, like guardians. I think none would be better than wardancers to do so. And it gives me great comfort to know that they are watching over Sulein. His journey will be perilous, and though I trust in his abilities it is good to know that there are those to watch his back." Beriadanwen smiles at Asterion over her shoulder, and then continues walking.
When he hears that Avan'il has brought the swords, Asterion looks alarmed and confused. "You mean that he walks again? The way those necromancers did with him? Or... I think I don’t understand."
"That makes two of us then." Beriadanwen sighs. "But no, I don't think he walks again in this world. Those who were turned against us were turned in full and would have no issue attacking us, I'm sure. I'd like to think that he came to me in my dream and gave me those swords.
"Just before we left we burned their remains. No songs, no goodbyes, no stories we told. War does strange things to people, humans and elves. It's hard for me to grieve when we have not fully said goodbye yet. It feels unfinished. Perhaps that is why he looked so tormented in my dream? I don't know.
"Let us not talk of these vague things. I feel better now, having shared the contents of my dream with you. Tell me of unarmed combat. Or something else, if you like." She pokes Asterion and winks at him. He smiles and winks back. "You know that unarmed combat is a full contact sport, don't you?"
Beriadanwen laughs gaily. "I know. I've had military training, once. When I was younger. Do you really think I would break so easily? It's been a while since I trained that way, but I am sure I can still hold my ground, if need be. Or did I really do so badly when I jumped on poor Galadhon?"
"No, perhaps it's better if you don't tell me." She says, clearly exaggerating. "I don't think my ego could stand it! I only wear this armour so it is protected from my failures, you know. If I do not go down in battle after the first hit, my poor poor ego will not be bruised." She smiles widely, her worries disappeared to the background now.
"Don't worry, I won't bruise your ego... to much." Asterion replies, and he takes a pose. He bends his knees and takes off his armour. "Now you can hurt my ego as well. Do you want me to cover the basics or the more advanced combat?"
"Let's start by you helping me out of my armour." Beriadanwen starts to take off her quiver and the belt with Avan’il’s swords. "And I hope you won't blush too much. Tell me, have you ever undressed a woman in armour? It's quite an experience."
With some difficulty she knows to undo one of the straps of her armour, but then she waits until Asterion helps her. "Let's start easy, it's still early and I don't want to wake the others. We're not that far out."
Asterion frowns for a moment. "Now you mention it, never out of an armour..." He helps Beriadanwen take her armour off and gets back into position. "Okay, let's start with what I try to do to an opponent that is unarmed just like myself. That's getting him immobile or on the ground. There are several ways to do so.. but by far the fastest is a quick low kick with the sheen to your opponent’s knee. He will go to the ground, and if he doesn't fall down completely, just finish off with a few well placed punches. " He demonstrates in slow motion what he wants to do."Should your opponent have a ranged weapon or a long weapon, like a sword, then you should step in and close the distance to that person so he can't use the weapon properly. Duck and cover your head with one arm while you punch on the kidneys with the other arm. Let me show you"
Asterion takes a quick step forwards so he is right in front of Beriadanwen, looks into her eyes and seems to have completely forgotten what he wanted to do for he doesn’t move anymore. For some seconds Beriadanwen doesn’t move either. She seems to have forgotten everything around her. Then she blinks. "The only thing you're showing me is how easily distracted you are."
She steps aside, and grabs Asterion's wrist. She turns his hand towards his thumb, and steps so she’s half behind him, holding his wrist in a fierce grips so his arm is twisted. She lifts his wrist to shoulder height, and puts her hand on his kidney. She loosens her grip somewhat as she steps closely behind him. Her breath tickles in his neck when she says: "Tag, you're it."
Asterion smiles. "Perhaps I shouldn't have taken off my armour because you're denting my ego with a dwarven warhammer here...As you might have noticed, all my skills in unarmed combat are focussed on the speed of my actions... if I falter I am lost...
"This time it was the other way around, I was lost, so I faltered."
He turns loose with a spin and gracefully returns to the starting position. "Now let's dance..."
"It's a good thing we are archers, then. At least we can keep our distance." Beriadanwen also readies herself for a next round. "Are you asking me out on a date, Asterion?"
She steps in, keeps her left arm above her head to block a blow. Her face seems to turn whiter, but she makes a fist of her right hand and tries to strike at Asterion’s kidney.
Asterion reacts, and blocks Beriadanwen’s right fist with his left arm. He steps in and places his front foot behind Beriadanwen’s leg, pushing her over with his momentum. At the last moment, he catches her for a soft landing. "Think we're already are dating and you're falling for me...."
He lies down next to Beriandanwen."So.... what's next?"
Beriadanwen stays still, and places her right hand on her left side, on her ribs. After a few seconds she slowly breathes out. The colour returns to her face. "In the old days, you should have asked my parents for permission to take me out. But since you're lost and I have fallen, I think it's too late to ask for their permission."
She moves her head so it doesn't rest on pinecones, but when that doesn’t work she rummages with her right hand under her head until there are no more pine cones left. "You and I make a fine couple. What will the rest say when we get back to camp, hair all tousled, and with earth and needles in our hair?"
Her eyes seem to shine and there is a big smile on her face. "I don't think any of them will believe that we have been training, although I'm not sure Luthine will believe I can do any of this without one of her songs to help me."
When Beriandanwen mentions parents, Asterion frowns and he is very quiet. "I don't think Luthine actually needed to sing the song the way that she did...Are you still hurt at that rib? I'll make you some Blueleaf tea when we get back. It should take away some of the pain..."
"There's no fooling you, I can tell. Yes, my rib still bothers me." Beriadanwen replies. "Not so much as before. One of the humans, Jean-Louis, healed me and just before we left the village Sairahiniel also laid her hands on me. I'm afraid it's still blue and will bother me for a while. It's nothing serious. Just some shortness of breath when I've been running. I probably shouldn’t do much unarmed combat or other physical exercise."
She turns to her side so she can look at Asterion. "So some blueleaf tea should fix me right up. I'm no use to anyone if I endanger them with an injury. I'm surprised it's still bothering me. Usually Saira's healing takes care of any pains I might have.
"That undead was rather brutal - it didn't look left or right nor stop when I stepped in front of it. Perhaps the initial injury was more severe than I had suspected. It knocked me out good."
Asterion doesn’t answer, but stares up to the sky above. "Are your parents still alive?"
Beriadanwen places her free hand on Asterion’s hand and plays with his fingers. "My parents died shortly before Sairahiniel joined the regiment. Perhaps that was the reason she joined me in the army. I never did ask her.
"Sairahiniel is almost two hundred years my junior, and she was much closer to them than I was. She was still quite young when our father passed away. I had already chosen to join the army when Sairahiniel was born, although I didn't get around to going into training for a few decades, until after my adult ritual.
"Will you tell me something about your life?"
Asterion looks into Beriandanwen’s eyes and replies seriously: "I've sworn an oath of secrecy..." He glances around to see if anyone is around. "You must promise me that everything I'll tell you is a secret and you keep it a secret. I'll let you ask questions and I'll try to answer as best as possible..."
"Hush now." Beriadanwen places a finger on Asterion's lips. "If you are sworn to secrecy, then do not tell me. If you want to tell me what you are allowed to say, I will welcome it, but I will not be the reason you are foresworn. Please do not break your oath for me."
"I'll tell you as much as I can without breaking my oath." Asterion leans over to Beriadanwen and whispers something into her ear. Then he speaks again: "I am the thorn on the rose that is called Rystill. I am Nymraif."
"I see, but I do not understand." Beriadanwen leans back, and then decides to lie back when her rib causes her discomfort. "Or maybe I understand a little."
She turns her head towards Asterion. "And now it is I who wishes to help you carry your burden. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live your life without ever being able to confide in anyone. Thurin lîn naro dínen gurenen" - Your secret is whispered in my heart. "Boe ennas beriannen" - There it will be safe."
"I feel relieved to be able to share some of it with someone... or not just someone... with you.
It aint easy living they way I do, but it has a purpose and that keeps me going." Asterion pulls something from underneath his tunic, a pendant of some sort. "Should I ever fall in combat, then can you please deliver this necklace to the Queen in some kind of way?" Beriadanwen looks at the pendant and nods gravely, but remains silent. Asterion puts the pendant away again. He stands up and reaches out his hand. "Come on, we should be heading back and I promised you I'd make you some tea..."
Beriadanwen reaches with her right hand and allows Asterion to help her up. She rakes a hand through her hair and grimaces when a long pine needle is tangled in the locks. "A hot cup of tea will be welcome, it will be a long enough march today. I just hope we will be able to find water along the way soon."
She takes her armour and carefully pulls it over her head, taking extra care not to bruise the sensitive tips. She tries to close the clasps, but fails. "Hîr nîn, tobo anim?" - My lord, close it for me? A sparkle in her eyes. "Much less fun than the other way around, I grant you, but necessary nonetheless."
Asterion closes Beriandanwen’s armour for her and then dresses himself. "Frontal seals are way easier..."
While Beriadanwen belts on her quiver and the belt with Avan’ils swords again, she looks towards the east. "The sun will be coming up soon," she turns to Asterion, "and there will be no more time. Rise early, travel hard, find water and food and a safe place to camp."
Beriadanwen carefully picks up her bow and runs her fingers over the wood. Then she returns to the camp with Asterion.
"I should tell Luthine about this dream, or at least deliver the message Avan'il had for her, so I suggest we set out a little later today. It will give them some time to wake up and for me to have some tea. The coming weeks will be hard enough."
Just before returning to camp she stops, and faces Asterion. "I have enjoyed myself this morning, even if not everything we talked about has been enjoyable. Le hannon."
Asterion nods politely. "I enjoyed being able to share some burdens. Let me know what Luthine's explanation was for the dream. I'm quite curious to be honest" He walks into the camp and starts on making some tea.
Beriadanwen walks into the camp in search of Luthine. She rakes her hand through her hair again, searching for stray pine needles. When she reaches Luthine, Beriadanwen softly speaks her name. "Luthine..."
