Quiet little Sunday
May. 26th, 2002 07:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janestarzWhat did I really do today? Well, not really much. I put my new plants in the window, where they enjoyed the light. My room is quite dark because of the blinds. But today I hauled them up, they’re quite heavy, and I enjoyed the bit of extra light that granted me.
I had breakfast around threeish I think it was. And I drew an elven woman today. She looks okay, she reminds me of me, somewhere. The shadings on her face are...well...interesting. I’m planning on drawing someone with light only from below or above soon. Maybe tonight, I have to see when I’m in for it. I’m also trying out new forms of shading.
Why am I just typing these trivia in here, whilst this morning I was on the verge of crying for the happening things? I’m actually pushing it all back again.
I was staring out of my window, drinking tea. I think that was a bit of the aftershock in combination with the rest my schedule and agenda are finally granting me. I think I will again. Just...make some tea and stare at the sun shining on the wet asphalt. Cars going by. At times like these I would like to be on the tenth floor. Just sitting and watching life from a distance. Which actually just is a bit of confirmation that in that moment you feel like I feel right now, and you are sitting there, just watching and drinking tea, you really aren’t that much a part of that life. You’re not really involved, you’re not really there.
Comme ci, je n’existe pas.* Khaled sang in his song Aisha.
I turned on the gas today, just to smell it. Not to burn it, not to try and commit suicide.
Just to smell it. It nauseated me. But at least I felt it. I felt more when I smelled the gas, then now. Numb. A vague throbbing pain in deep forgotton waters. Not happy. Not sad. Not anything. Not even nauseated anymore. Indescribable.
I need a hug and tea. Joey? Jooooooeeeeeyyyy? Where are you? On my bed, where else would a teddybear be?! I think a movie and bedtime is good now.
* Comme ci, je n’existe pas. - Like his, I don’t exist.
I had breakfast around threeish I think it was. And I drew an elven woman today. She looks okay, she reminds me of me, somewhere. The shadings on her face are...well...interesting. I’m planning on drawing someone with light only from below or above soon. Maybe tonight, I have to see when I’m in for it. I’m also trying out new forms of shading.
Why am I just typing these trivia in here, whilst this morning I was on the verge of crying for the happening things? I’m actually pushing it all back again.
I was staring out of my window, drinking tea. I think that was a bit of the aftershock in combination with the rest my schedule and agenda are finally granting me. I think I will again. Just...make some tea and stare at the sun shining on the wet asphalt. Cars going by. At times like these I would like to be on the tenth floor. Just sitting and watching life from a distance. Which actually just is a bit of confirmation that in that moment you feel like I feel right now, and you are sitting there, just watching and drinking tea, you really aren’t that much a part of that life. You’re not really involved, you’re not really there.
Comme ci, je n’existe pas.* Khaled sang in his song Aisha.
I turned on the gas today, just to smell it. Not to burn it, not to try and commit suicide.
Just to smell it. It nauseated me. But at least I felt it. I felt more when I smelled the gas, then now. Numb. A vague throbbing pain in deep forgotton waters. Not happy. Not sad. Not anything. Not even nauseated anymore. Indescribable.
I need a hug and tea. Joey? Jooooooeeeeeyyyy? Where are you? On my bed, where else would a teddybear be?! I think a movie and bedtime is good now.
* Comme ci, je n’existe pas. - Like his, I don’t exist.
