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Some [random] thoughts
May. 14th, 2002 10:24 pmHead spinning. I just arrived home from Mirror. Very tired. Because of the Roparun I was very tired and I didn’t catch up on some sleep this weekend. Besides that I’m so busy I feel like vomiting, like getting a nervous breakdown any second now, like getting a burn-out (like JP).
And the worst of all of this is that it’s all fun stuff I have planned. Like going to the movies with Jan, Larp, DutchElfwood meeting, Ozzfest, the DVN play. But still, somehow it’s driving me insane.
I get that every once in a while. I just need a second to sort out how I’m gonna get things done. Finishing the grandparents-interview today in a rush added to the stress, naturally. Luckily TommyCee was very supportive in a giggly, irritating, cardboardbox, fun way. I laughed a lot with her. Maybe because I hadn’t seen her in a week. I suppose that helped. She had done fun stuff (like, reliving an ancient crush for the second million-th time) and so had I. Like…getting a boyfriend while she wasn’t around for the clipboard routine, submerging him to a very painful test to see if he’s fit for being my boyfriend. That is still to come.
*Giggle*
There is yet hope it seems. I can still make jokes and even laugh about them. I will be fine. I just need a bit of sleep. Preferrably with a dream.
I dreamt of Jan last night. That he walked into my room, laid down in my bed, and I cuddled up to him, real tight. That was a nice dream; and a nice nap. I can use that, or the real thing.
Hold me close and
Promise to never let go
Ever since the uncle of Erik (my roommate Marjolein’s boyfriend) committed suicide, Marjolein has been all anxious and inspired to follow in his footsteps. Which is weird, if you think about it. It’s going downhill with her again. She notices that too, and then arranges to sleep at her father’s house. But I think that if she really wanted to commit suicide and if she really wanted to be dead, she would have been by now.
I’m in such a mood, that I can stand Britney. Her song “Not yet a woman” is on, and the piano chords touched me deep inside. I’m all shaky with the lips, wanting to just cuddle up and sleep.
I just hate it when I feel like that, I want to be a strong super woman. But I can’t be. Not all the time.
It’s just tiredness. I’ll be fine.
And the worst of all of this is that it’s all fun stuff I have planned. Like going to the movies with Jan, Larp, DutchElfwood meeting, Ozzfest, the DVN play. But still, somehow it’s driving me insane.
I get that every once in a while. I just need a second to sort out how I’m gonna get things done. Finishing the grandparents-interview today in a rush added to the stress, naturally. Luckily TommyCee was very supportive in a giggly, irritating, cardboardbox, fun way. I laughed a lot with her. Maybe because I hadn’t seen her in a week. I suppose that helped. She had done fun stuff (like, reliving an ancient crush for the second million-th time) and so had I. Like…getting a boyfriend while she wasn’t around for the clipboard routine, submerging him to a very painful test to see if he’s fit for being my boyfriend. That is still to come.
*Giggle*
There is yet hope it seems. I can still make jokes and even laugh about them. I will be fine. I just need a bit of sleep. Preferrably with a dream.
I dreamt of Jan last night. That he walked into my room, laid down in my bed, and I cuddled up to him, real tight. That was a nice dream; and a nice nap. I can use that, or the real thing.
Hold me close and
Promise to never let go
Ever since the uncle of Erik (my roommate Marjolein’s boyfriend) committed suicide, Marjolein has been all anxious and inspired to follow in his footsteps. Which is weird, if you think about it. It’s going downhill with her again. She notices that too, and then arranges to sleep at her father’s house. But I think that if she really wanted to commit suicide and if she really wanted to be dead, she would have been by now.
I’m in such a mood, that I can stand Britney. Her song “Not yet a woman” is on, and the piano chords touched me deep inside. I’m all shaky with the lips, wanting to just cuddle up and sleep.
I just hate it when I feel like that, I want to be a strong super woman. But I can’t be. Not all the time.
It’s just tiredness. I’ll be fine.
