Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue

[janestarz]

Home again. Rested. I was dead tired last night. I drank some Energy Drink which dropped like a dead body on my stomach. (In other words, I felt sick). I felt miserable during Star Trek and Dawsons Creek, and felt a bit better after eating the last two non-fungii'd slices of bread. (Hey, if it ain't green, it's edible!)

Went to bed late and woke up around ten-ish. Did some chores and am now wondering why I am in school. Oz is commenting like never before (he loaths christians I suppose and helps by supporting my views of the last few days. It was hell! Get it?) and I'm giggling away by replying.

It was great coming home (home's where there's a bed) and seeing that wonderful cabinet. TommyCee said I would either hate it or love it, and I love it! I had expected it to be higher and rounder, but it's wonderful. She really put an effort in the house and it felt so good to be home. I hope she moves in real soon so we can drink tea in the mornings together.

Also, the down-side of the coin is that we have to perform Luther again tonight. Somewhere in Nieuwerkerk, which is quite close to my old town (across the river, actually). And I'm feeling more insecure every day. I really would like to hang out at the So What some night and maybe see my crush, but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. Busy with performing, studying for that exam wednesday and then Lowlands is coming up. So no So What for me this week. Maybe Wednesdaynight, if I'm lucky.

I had no fun dressing up so I'm wearing something purple-blue....it makes me look like miss Christian. I hate looking like this but I don't feel like changing. Blah.

Knowing I have to perform tonight gets me down, actually. I think it's best if I quit Mirror. The strain is too much. Carien might understand. The others won't. I think Flevo was the last straw.

I just want to pound and hit stuff and cry and scream at the same time. I feel trapped in this frame of Christian mind I am forced in. I know that some of the things I can do at home and I want to be able to do anywhere can cause the abrupt ending of my study if I do them at school.

I want to be hugged and loved and comforted. I want to feel free and strong. I want to be me again.

Hug me...?

Comments

[janestarz.livejournal.com]

Thankyou =)

[tommycee.livejournal.com]

We can first welcome yur mom in our humble home and than go to the So What. ???
I'd like to go there again once. I look like shit today but I don't really care. :) At least we've got a cool apartment!

:)

[janestarz.livejournal.com]

Yeah we do! It's Purdy and Red!

Sure. My mom won't go home too late anyways and she came for coffee. But she's known to stick around a bit...

Re:

[tommycee.livejournal.com]

So what we can stay out late :)