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janestarzOfcourse, I did break the final barrier. You always have to go on. You will find that you must leave, because if you don't do anything, you'll go crazy.
I realised this morning the thought never occurred to me to lay down beside her, even with my own problems. I haven't thought of killing myself in some 7 or 8 years, and I am glad I passed this, if I may call it so, test.
She never thought that her attempt would fail, that she would have to face the consequences. That I would come home, call her boyfriend and bestowe the problems she earned by the attemt, upon her. That is why she was so mad. She didn't want anybody to know, she wanted to go outside and drive her car [into...?]
And I couldn't let her go. I couldn't let her drive off to the railroad tracks and kill herself. Or park herself into a tree. Maybe she would hurt some other person in the process.
I can't be responsible for her. I can not watch over her 24 hours a day. But the institution is convinced if they confine her to the ward (a closed one, preferrably) it would be bad for her.
I am afraid to go home this afternoon. what if she's there? What if she's lying in the kitchen again? With the gas, a knife, the pills? Or in the shower, or in her room. I have knives in my house, 6 sharp steakknives or my athame or the hobbyknife which is real sharp. But all she needs is one good cut, even from a vegetable knife.
I realised this morning the thought never occurred to me to lay down beside her, even with my own problems. I haven't thought of killing myself in some 7 or 8 years, and I am glad I passed this, if I may call it so, test.
She never thought that her attempt would fail, that she would have to face the consequences. That I would come home, call her boyfriend and bestowe the problems she earned by the attemt, upon her. That is why she was so mad. She didn't want anybody to know, she wanted to go outside and drive her car [into...?]
And I couldn't let her go. I couldn't let her drive off to the railroad tracks and kill herself. Or park herself into a tree. Maybe she would hurt some other person in the process.
I can't be responsible for her. I can not watch over her 24 hours a day. But the institution is convinced if they confine her to the ward (a closed one, preferrably) it would be bad for her.
I am afraid to go home this afternoon. what if she's there? What if she's lying in the kitchen again? With the gas, a knife, the pills? Or in the shower, or in her room. I have knives in my house, 6 sharp steakknives or my athame or the hobbyknife which is real sharp. But all she needs is one good cut, even from a vegetable knife.
